I happened to stumble onto the Blank Noise Project site and had the chance (wont say pleasure) to go through pages and pages of so far suppressed outrage.
It's been a while now since I pondered these ugly facts that we shrug off as teenage growing up pangs. Pangs they were. (I see this post turning long and rambly already! Memory after memory is surfacing. I want to share those long forgotten cr*p incidents) I consider myself lucky… nay, privileged to have the parents I have. I think that basically halved the trauma of going through this shit called eve-teasing.
Some of my 'decent' and over analytical male friends have sometimes asked me a genuine question, "Do girls enjoy the attention? The hooting and whistling"… one even asked me if the 'petting', is in any way enjoyable. I cant understand how these questions even strike a match into their dark heads. Dude, would you enjoy a tight slap across the face if that meant getting attention from the opposite sex? Would you appreciate an en'crotch'ment of your space? Really.
Well, there have been some discussions about the scumbag Road Romeos who are treated exactly as that. But what about the harassment which so often takes place at home. By men who enter under the garb of uncles, cousins, sometimes even granfathers? Have they absolutely no shame whatsoever?
I remember this incident from the time I must have been 5 or 6. (Yes, actually that young.) Whenever I visited my grandparents, I used to barge into the homes of all the doting neighbours. I was well loved and received a lot of affection from all the mamajis and bhaiyyas along with the mamijis and didis. About 3 years back, as a more sober and quiet 20 something girl, I was standing in our courtyard, with my grandmother, haggling with the bhaajiwali. Just then, our neighbour's son (who I call mamaji since he is more my mother's generation) walked by. He respectfully greeted my grandma, made small talk and commented on how I had grown into a sweet young woman. And he used the word 'beta' to address me. I don’t know what happened then, but this one memory surfaced after 15-16 years of exile. One of those summers, as a kid, I had been loitering in our courtyard in the evening and decided to go and check whether the next door nanaji wanted to play with me (he was one of my best playmates). The door was opened by mamaji, then unmarried, and probably bordering on his 30s. I don’t know if it was just a wrong time, or what… but that must have been my first experience with a form of sexual harassment. And sadly, I didn’t even know what it was. What I remembered that day when he walked by, was that he had tried to hug me tight and was kissing my face and I was telling him that I wanted to go and play. And the heavy breathing. I felt profound sadness and wondered whether he remembered that time. Whether he hoped that I had not understood and had forgotten what he had done. Did he feel guilty about it? I didn’t know how to react once I remembered this. I told my grandmother and neither of us has been able to decide how to treat him. I have, for one, singularly avoided him till date.
But there are others like him. An Aunt's relative who bestowed me with affection and Cadbury's. Who came across as a warm and affectionate elderly person who loved to banter with me. Who started visiting me whenever he was in the city. I still am not sure whether those uncomfortable hugs which were meant to be affectionate, fatherly were accidentally provocative. Or whether the attempts to plant a tender peck on the forehead were just misplaced. But when I talked to my mother, she told me to trust my female instinct. She said if it made me uncomfortable, I should not let it go on. Both my parents offered to confront him and also talk to my Aunt. But I held them back and was successful in never responding to his communication. But I know there are other unfortunate girls in the same social layer as I am, but with less supportive and intelligent parents. And no, I did not enjoy ANY of the male attention. And I did not enjoy it even from the younger and better looking male friends when it was unwanted. Even when it was as simple as constant badgering for company over coffee. It just sucks.
A lot has been said about the topic. I hope it finds its way to the part of society that actually needs the change of perspective. To those men who otherwise prefer to shrug or turn a blind eye or gaze at their watch to check how late they are likely to get if they tried to get into a melee over the girl beside them being 'eve teased' as they would conveniently want to think. And women too. Because one woman can defend herself and another just as well. Our society needs to reach a point where men will think carefully whether it is worth it to get a quick squeeze at the girl beside them and be beaten black and blue or at least be questioned strongly. This deluge of posts should not be limited in impact to the male or female blog enthusiasts who are already in agreement over the need for awareness and collective action.
To end on a more cheerful note, let me recount this (in one way) funny experience I had. Thanks to our very pragmatic parents, both my sister and I received KungFu training. Well, it didn’t really show on our then-frail frames. :) This happened when I visited my sister for the first time in Bombay after she started working. I was in my 2nd year of Engineering. As we walked on the jostling Andheri railway station bridge, she stopped to look for something in her purse. I was carefully holding on to my suitcase and purse and walked a few steps further so as to not create a roadblock. Out of nowhere, this b$%#%#$%#d walked out of the torrent of office-goers and gave me a squeeze. I hope that's the last time he would have done that to anyone. Coz as he smugly strode off taking advantage of the fact that my hands were full, he was in for a surprise. I actually turned back and followed him through the throng and gave him a hard hard hard slap on the back that left him gasping. To his chagrin, he got caught between my sister and me. She happened to look up from her meddling with the items in her purse, immediately grasped the situation and without further ado punched him. That must have set some ideas straight for the perv. We got approving glances from some fatherly passersby and all became well after the piece of garbage bent down and said, "Sorry Sister". My sis and I let him go with a warning (though I have a strong feeling that he was stopped in the way by some of those father figures who wanted to take the admonition further). Although we had a hearty laugh as we described the incident to our parents, fact remains that this happens all the time. And it’s not ok. And it has to be curbed and the offenders brought to book.
I cannot but emphasize the need for giving girls training in self defence and the confidence that comes with it. The confidence that you have an edge and are a force to be reckoned with.
